Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
