Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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