doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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