im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
