The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize