I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
