Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
