well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
this is an emotional support booty call
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
