Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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