JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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