My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
