we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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