my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
