Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
