I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
