I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
FUCK WHALES
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
