when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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