I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
