CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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