I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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