if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
