I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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