Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
