The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
