He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
