"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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