meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
