And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
