I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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