Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
