Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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