Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
