Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
