we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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