i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
