tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize