Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
