dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
