Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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