Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
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I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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