You're my little dorito
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
