We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Someone came in the potted fern
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
