I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
