you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
