Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
