If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
