thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
