i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
