How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
