Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
