I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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