He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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