i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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