it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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