You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
