But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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