I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
