dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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