Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
