mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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