I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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