last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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