Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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