New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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