Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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