It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
