dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
