Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
