The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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