Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
