: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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