Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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