You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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