This is not my ceiling
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
