If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
