I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
