So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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