I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
